07.27.09
Posted in Blog at 11:38 am by Andy
OK, it’s Monday. The big festival is over. I actually slept a little the last couple nights, and I can start trying to get back to something resembling normal. I overate a little this weekend, but honestly, it wasn’t all that bad. Friday was the worst, because I was awake for about 22 hours. It’s really hard to give a crap about the calories at that point.
I didn’t get much exercise this weekend. At least, not much GOOD exercise. Lots of jumping up, running to the stage to adjust something, then sitting back down. I was hoping to go for a nice, long, quiet walk on Saturday, but there was never a long enough stretch of time during which I could get away. I may have gotten some isometrics in, ’cause I was pretty darn tense the whole time. I mean, I thought I was pretty wound up before this weekend, but that was nothing.
I spent yesterday doing nothing. The most aggressive I got all day was going to the store to get a new propane tank so we could grill. Otherwise, I could barely lift my head off the pillow all day. The tension did start to melt away finally, and I turned into a pudding. By 8:00, I was struggling to stay awake.
So, today, although my body rebelled against the idea, I really wanted to get back to the gym for some real exercise. Some nice, slow stretching. And of course, another weigh-in.
I was a little worried about today’s weigh-in. I knew I had been overeating this weekend, but I didn’t think I had done too badly under the circumstances. It was only a couple days… how bad could it be?
235 pounds. That’s how bad it could be. 27 days of absolute fucking torture, and I am now back to within one pound of where I started. I don’t think I am a good enough writer to explain in this space how I feel. Disappointed, disillusioned, frustrated, helpless, depressed, ineffective, angry, dismayed.
And fat. Really fucking fat.
I really don’t know what to do. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. If I eat less, I gain weight. If I eat more, I gain weight. If I eat really, really healthy, I gain weight. If I eat ANYTHING I gain weight. If I fast, I gain weight.
Hell, now it seems that if I actually lose a couple pounds, that will then cause me to gain weight. How frustrating is that?
I’m going to try scaling back slowly, see if I can inch down my intake until the weight loss starts again. It seems clear that this point that I won’t be making my goal for the month. I can’t imagine it’s even possible to drop nine pounds in four days. Which means I get to do this again for August, except with no caffeine, alcohol, meat or dairy.
Joy.
July 25
Exercise: Lots of running around, adjusting mics, moving speakers, that kind of crap.
Intake: I don’t know, but really, not that much. 22–2300 calories maybe.
July 26
Exercise: 4k walking.
Intake: 2500 calories.
What I ate today: Coffee, bread, veggie burgers, carrots, chicken, yogurt, cereal, berries and a beer.
July 27
Exercise: 1/2 k swimming.
Intake: 1940 calories.
What I ate today: Coffee, yogurt, cereal, berries, black beans, salsa, mango, English muffin, Clif bar, crackers pretzels, honey and half of a beer.
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07.24.09
Posted in Blog at 11:38 am by Andy
OK, just a short one today. I have lots to do in the next few hours, then I’m off to Wisconsin for a couple days, and won’t be updating much.
I weighed in again this morning, and it came up 229 pounds. Better than Wednesday, but still up from Monday. I don’t know what the heck is going on.
I’m going to try increasing my intake a little bit, and see if that helps. I’m still pretty run down most of the time, and I’m having a hard time conjuring up the energy to keep the exercise going. I’m never full… even after lunch, which is usually my largest meal of the day, I feel like I could easily double it without stuffing myself.
So maybe I’m suffering from actually cutting too many calories. I’ve definitely been riding the low end of my 2000 the last few days, so maybe if I went for around 2300 I’d actually pick up some energy and get back to some burning.
I’m going to give it a shot. My dietary options will be limited the next couple days, so I imagine I’ll get more calories and fat just by way of dining at convenience stores. I hope it doesn’t go to badly, ’cause I’m running out of time to get those last few pounds off.
*sigh*
Or maybe there really is something wrong with me that has yet to be diagnosed. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Weight: 229 lbs.
Exercise: 1/2 k swimming, carrying a LOT of gear.
Intake: I’m not sure, but a lot of calories. 3000, maybe even a little more?
What I ate today: Banana, yogurt, cereal, berries, coffee, burritos, beer and a couple brats.
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07.23.09
Posted in Blog at 9:37 am by Andy
OK, day 23, and I’m running again. Not literally, although this should be a day that I go take a run. Just busy.
So, I’m going to keep it short today. I also will most likely not update again until Monday. I’ll have limited computer access over the weekend, and I’m not sure how much calorie counting I’ll be doing anyway. I’ll do my best, ’cause I know you’re all terribly interested.
Exercise: Just cleaning the house and such.
Intake: 1690 calories.
What I ate today: Coffee, muesli, yogurt, berries, banana, turkey burger, English muffin, corn, whiskey and carrots.
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07.22.09
Posted in Blog at 12:22 pm by Andy
OK, I’ve got three weeks down. I was feeling pretty good about myself, making some real progress. I tightened my belt one notch, and was seriously considering buying new jeans. (My old ones are almost baggy enough to be clown wear.) I actually felt like I was getting somewhere.
I went to the gym this morning. I’ve not been hitting the exercise as hard the last few days, so I thought I’d tear into it with a little more gusto. I hit the elliptical machine with my freshly-loaded iPod, bumped it up a level, and managed a reasonably energetic 25 minutes. I went to change into my swimsuit to do a few laps, then I hit the scale.
232 pounds.
What? I gained four pounds in two days? That can’t be right. Hell, I don’t think I ate four pounds of food in the last two days, and I have a rough idea of what came out.
So now I have to question the accuracy of this scale. Yes, I know, that’s probably the easiest cop-out in the world for someone on a diet, but that’s beyond discouraging. It’s outside the realm of possibility under the circumstances.
So now I have to wonder how accurate it’s been all along. Sure, my first three weeks of weigh-ins have shown approximately the progress I was projecting. I expected a little up and down along the way, just with more down than up. I assumed there would be setbacks.
But four pounds in two days? Sorry, I can’t buy that. I feel like I’m losing weight. I look thinner. My pants are looser. My shirts hang lower. I’m going to assume today was some sort of anomaly. I’m going to see what Friday’s weigh-in brings. And if I gain another four pounds in two days, I’ll be right back where I started.
If that happens, I’m giving up. I’m going straight from the gym to Triple Rock for a breakfast with the four food groups: eggs, cheese, bacon and beer. I will put butter on everything. Yes, I will find a way to put butter on my beer.
Because, when it’s all said and done, I FELT better when I ate like that on a regular basis. Yes, my back hurt, but at least I wasn’t hungry all the damn time on top of it.
*sigh*
OK, deep breaths. There’s no way I’ll gain another four pounds in the next two days. I’m not giving up yet. I’m just frustrated. I really wanted to say I was within a pound of my goal, and it was time to start increasing my intake. I was hoping to hit 227 by this weekend. If the scale is right, that ain’t gonna happen.
If the scale is wrong, then how will I know?
OK, yes, I can be happy that I feel like I’m making progress. I can measure my success in smaller pants and ignore what the scale tells me. Weight isn’t the only factor here… the real goal is to not feel like crap all the time, so I should just be happy with what I’ve accomplished.
But I’d feel a whole lot better if the scale gave me some good news.
Weight: 232 lbs.
Exercise: 25 minutes elliptical, 1/2 k swimming.
Intake: 1870 calories.
What I ate today: Banana, yogurt, cereal, berries, coffee, turkey burger, bread, green beans, carrots and a beer.
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07.21.09
Posted in Blog at 9:19 am by Andy
Two more days, still not writing so much. I was a little concerned when I started this that I’d have a hard time coming up with something to write every day for a whole month. There are only so many different ways I can write, “Day X, still hungry.”
I did get a little sleep, which helps. I also made coffee this morning, which helps. I’m also hoping to get some crap caught up around this house, which should help. I like to be organized and vaguely in control; that hasn’t been the case the last few days.
So, on that note, I’m not going to be writing much more today. I gots things to do!
Oh, PS: I’ve decided I’m going to quit tracking my fat intake. It’s pretty much irrelevant at this level of intake. I’m also not going to track the protein any more… I definitely need to get more, but relative to how much I’m eating, I’m doing about the best I can. This whole thing has gotten awfully time-consuming.
July 20
Weight: 228 lbs.
Exercise: 1k swimming.
Intake: 1885 calories, 12 grams of fat, 94 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Bread, turkey breast, baked beans, pineapple, banana and a salad.
July 21
Exercise: Well, I was gonna go running, but it was raining.
Intake: 2125 calories.
What I ate today: Coffee, cereal, yogurt, berries, veggie burger, English muffin, carrots, chicken sub and a waffle cone.
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07.19.09
Posted in Blog at 5:17 pm by Andy
OK, 19 days and a rough weekend, but I’m still hanging in there.
I’m leaving in a little bit to go play my seventh show in five days. I did get six hours of sleep last night, which is about what I got the previous two nights put together. My wife is in Germany (or possibly the Czech Republic by now… what time is it there?) and this is the longest we’ve been apart in years.
In the old days, this is the sort of scenario that would have me at the grocery store, stocking up for a day or two of movies and gluttony. When I get tired, I get hungry, but a massive nacho infusion usually helps. Unfortunately, I’ll have to struggle through without any nachos this time. Or frozen pizzas, doughnuts, mu shu pork or any of my other usual recovery foods. I’ve already been sloshing over my 2000-calorie limit the last couple days. (Although in all fairness, those came after a couple days of being well under.)
Tonight, there will be a temptation to go overboard, as I believe we’re getting a free meal after the show. It’s a scientific fact that musicians are incapable of passing on free food, so the best I can hope for is something reasonably light on the menu.
Although it’s been a little rough this weekend, my motivation is bolstered by the fact that this IS working. I’m right on track to hit my goal AND start inching up my food intake by the end of the month. With any luck, I can settle on a point that will actually allow me to devote under 20 hours a week to exercise and still eat enough to spend a few minutes a day not starving.
Maybe.
Exercise: Are you kidding? I’m too tired to stand up.
Intake: 2065 calories, 35 grams of fat, 78 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Yogurt, muesli, coffee, turkey breast, English muffin, beer and a salad.
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07.18.09
Posted in Blog at 3:12 pm by Andy
Sorry folks, it’s a busy weekend. Not much writing today, just moving on with the log. Well, one thought today. For a guy on a pretty strict diet, I’m making a lot of allowances for beer. That might not be my best plan ever. I should probably watch that.
Exercise: None to speak of.
Intake: 2100 calories, 14 grams of fat, 154 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Coffee, turkey breast, bread, refried beans, pretzels, salsa, yogurt, cereal, carrots.
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07.17.09
Posted in Blog at 12:16 pm by Andy
OK, I didn’t get much done yesterday. You ever have one of those days when you work your ass off but somehow nothing is actually done afterwards? Yeah, it was one of those.
So, I’ve had a couple days in a row now that I didn’t make it to 2000 calories. This is not good. Must eat a little more. Must get more accomplished so I can stop and eat. Must devote less time to writing about not eating ’cause I didn’t get enough accomplished.
So, on that note, I’m done for today.
July 16
Exercise: None to speak of.
Intake: 1710 calories, 46 grams of fat, 41 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Stewed tomatoes, black beans, English muffin, coffee, cereal, yogurt, salad, a Clif bar and a beer.
July 17
Weight: 229 lbs.
Exercise: 1/2 k swimming.
Intake: 2215 calories, 35 grams of fat, 142 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Coffee, cereal, yogurt, banana, bread, turkey breast, orange juice, english muffin, peanut butter, green beans and a beer.
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07.15.09
Posted in Blog at 1:38 pm by Andy
So, I’ve survived two weeks of this. I’ve managed to stick to my goals pretty darn well, and my weight loss is right about where I’d hoped it would be. In a perfect world, I’d have lost the weight a little faster, allowing me to add a few calories a day, but I can live with this. I’m still riding the edge of the fastest weight loss with which I feel comfortable, and may yet be able to increase my intake.
I’m down six pounds in two weeks. Any faster than that would get pretty unhealthy, much slower than that and I’ll miss my goal. If this continues, I’ll be at nine pounds in three weeks, at which point I’ll start increasing my intake until I slow down to one or two pounds a week. That will allow me some room to experiment, as I’ll only need to lose one more pound in 10 days.
Long term, I think this bodes well for me. I don’t like the fact that I had to go to such extremes to resume my weight loss, but at least I’m getting somewhere now. I should be able to settle on a level of intake and exercise that has me losing a pound or two a week, which should have me at my target weight right around my birthday. Of course, I’ll have to plow my way through the holidays to get there.
All in all, this is working. Yes, I’m hungry. Yes, I’d like this to be over. The fact is that this will be difficult for a while, and will involve a lifetime change in habits. Slowly, gradually, it should get a little easier.
I hope.
Weight: 230 lbs
Exercise: 15 minutes elliptical, 1/2 k swimming.
Intake: 1480 calories, 36 grams of fat, 42 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Yogurt, cereal, coffee, pizza and beer.
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07.14.09
Posted in Blog at 12:06 pm by Andy
I’m telling you, there’s a market for it. One scoop three times a day will give you just the right balance of vitamins, minerals and essential nutrients. And a glossy coat.
Seriously, how the heck are you supposed to get enough of this and a little of that without getting too much of the other thing? I’m finding it difficult to strike a balance while staying under 2000 calories. I suppose I could do it if I removed absolutely all pleasure from eating. But I don’t think I could handle that. At least this way, I should be able to stick to my plan for a month.
I’ve been doing more reading on restaurant food. In general, it’s all pretty bad for you… lots of calories, lots of fat. But you know, a lot of it isn’t quite as bad as I thought. If you watch your portions and your side dishes, you can do OK. Bad: half a pizza, a bag of chips and a couple beers. Good: a couple slices of pizza, a salad, a beer and a glass of water. Well, maybe not good, bet a heck of a lot better.
Side note on salads: watch what you’re doing, folks. Some bacon, shredded cheese, 1000 Island dressing… you might as well have the burger. At a lot of restaurants, you’d be better off having the burger. Use a little common sense, and the salad can still be a healthy option.
Anyway, I’ve been typing this post off and on for a couple hours now. Clearly, my heart is not in it. Which is also why I’m taking a day off from exercise. Today would be normally be a day for me to run around the lake, and it’s raining, so that’s not going to happen. I’m also just plain exhausted… my legs are shot, my muscles ache, I just generally need a day of rest and recovery.
Exercise: No, thank you.
Intake: 1895 calories, 53 grams of fat, 57 grams of protein.
What I ate today: Yogurt, muesli, blueberries, coffee, english muffin, peach, banana, sauteed veggies, turkey sausage, bread, broccoli and a mango.
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