A Guide to the Liberal Mind

10 Things Conservatives Need to Understand About Liberals

1. We know what the word “Socialist” means. Please make sure you do before you throw it at us. Some of us are OK with being labeled a Socialist, but only when it actually applies.

2. We know welfare (and Social Security, for that matter) is broken, but we still feel compelled to help until we have a better system, even if it means some people can abuse the current system.

3. We don’t want to see the government grow out of control, either. Really. We’ve just grown attached to clean air, clean water, functioning fire departments, safe workplaces,  medicine that doesn’t kill people, smooth streets, edible food, etc.

4. We’re very concerned with illegal immigration. We think it reflects some deep fiscal, foreign policy, and human rights issues. We like to think of illegal immigrants more like people taking a huge risk in an attempt to better their lives and less like ants trying to get into our cupboards.

5. We don’t like war. Never have, never will.

6. When a hurricane/earthquake/tsunami/Godzilla hits, we send help. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter what the budget looks like. We believe this is one of the things that makes America great.

7. We value intelligence and education. We may never understand why someone wouldn’t. This might be a failing on our part, but it’s not likely to change.

8. We’re not pro-abortion. No one is. Instead of making abortion illegal, we want to give women the right to choose while trying to make a world in which no one would ever need to make that choice.

9. Yes, we do feel self-righteously smug while biking to the co-op with reusable bags to buy local, organic produce to prepare a healthy, vegetarian meal for our gay mixed-race Buddhist neighbors to thank them for watching our rescued greyhound so we could volunteer at some tree-huggy art fair that raises money for orphans in Whateverstan. It feels good. It feels really good.

10. Some liberals may disagree with my list, but they won’t threaten my life over it.